What the water gave me

What the water gave me/ on being everything/ With water I am

I’ve always found myself feeling more connected to the mountains, rooted in deep. Having spent a few years walking along the shores in Spain my thoughts began to flow towards the sea.

I remember my first thought being one where I asked myself if the same water that was where I am, were the same water cells that hit the shores at home. Through the water I found connection. Through the water I felt a sense of belonging. 

I remember one day going to the beach and the waves being so big and intense. I felt like I could feel them crashing inside of me. Pushing and hitting the edges of my body, I wasn’t sure how I felt at that time but the water gave me direction. 

I’ve always been a lover of light. Followed it and watched it dance, used it to feel the passing of time and observed its ability to change the mood of the environment. I began to use sunrise beach walks as a coping strategy when visiting my disabled father. I would put on some devotional music and I would walk and walk and walk. I would watch the way the light changed the colours on the surface of the water and how as the sun got higher the light began to dance with greater speed on its surface.

I was always afraid of the water. As I have become to feel much braver and more myself I began to enjoy challenging that. One thing I began to enjoy would be to float and release control of myself, almost giving myself to the ocean. Water helped me to let go. 

Although I still have that fear when falling off the sup board and plunging into something far greater and stronger than me. Something that takes my breath away and fills my lungs with fear. I know that everytime I fall, I become more trusting of falling into an unknown space. Through water I learned to trust.